well its working for me..

I have figured out my triggers for over eating. Food in general. I like the taste of things and i eat them until they are gone. I like to make and eat. i like to create things that taste good and in turn over eat. Because im always wanting to create things. Now the challenge will be to create things that are healthier and still taste good. Problem is, I dont want to eat. And I dont like to waste money on uneaten food.

Found out my pouch hates turkey. So far I have only tried deli turkey. And it hates eating things more than once. Still cant drink plain water yet.

Having a hard time remembering to take my vitamins because im not hungry and not getting in all my protein and water either. BUT...

I am down 38 lbs since I started. WOOOHOOOO!

So, struggles!

11 days out and I have been struggling with a lot of things. first being getting all my fluids in. Not being hungry i don't think to drink or "eat" anymore. I am lucky if im getting in 32 oz of food or drinks a day. Today I am making the conscious effort to drink more. which leads to my second struggle. Protein. I got one of each flavor of the shakes i like. And other various samples from here or there. EVERYthing makes me sick. Except today. I made a Fuzzy navel Syntrax nectar with water and let it sit overnight to let the foam settle and it went down ok. It seems to be the milk based ones. Even the lactose free versions of RTD shakes i had.

Yesterday i was supposed to start puree. But i cant seem to want to start. I'm scared my pouch will hate it. Its very finicky. One day it likes something and the very next day that same thing will make me sick. Same goes for hot and cold things. I did puree my soup instead of straining it so that's a start, right?

The pain is coming and going. Mostly on days when I do a lot around the house or walks longer than the 4 blocks to walk the dog.

Fuck!! This is so hard. And the first person that says I took the easy way out is going to get a fist to the mouth.

Now, on to the good news. I have lost 33 lbs since I got my first weigh in at the dr's Office earlier this year. My clothes are fitting better and a lot looser. Im hoping to hit 200 by christmas! I can do it.

6 days post op

Sorry I didn't write sooner. I had a hard time managing my pain and sleepiness. Today I feel great. Learned by trial and error(mostly error) my pouch doesn't like cold things just yet. My pouch would cramp something fierce and cause all kinda of pain. Now I am just drinking hot things for the next 24 hours and slowly put in some cold again. My energy is returning to pre op levels slowly. And for some reason, my incisions only hurt in the muscle layer. But, that is manageable pain.

day of surgery - I wasn't allowed anything to drink. just mouth swabs to keep my mouth wet. ALOT of pain. Gas pain inside pain. The gas was building up  so much i could see my belly growing bigger. I walked a bunch and still didn't pass it but it helped just by walking.
day 2- started on ice chips and sipping ice water. soooo much cramping and pain. broth was room temp when they brought it so that caused cramping and pain. They wanted  to send me home that afternoon. That's when the gas hit again. So distended that my belly was almost round. They kept me another night. I slept in 4 hour spurts because they kept the pain meds on schedule.
day 3- I farted. felt sooo much better. still very tired. they sent me home. where i immediately started on the gas x strips and heating pad. Why don't they give you this stuff in the hospital? I felt so much better after an hour.
Slept in my own bed on second night home and slept for 7 straight hours. it made a huge difference.
and yesterday I pooped. It was the best feeling ever!

I have been steadily getting better each day. Today.. great!.

Last Solid Meal

Tonight is my last solid meal. Bacon pickle cheese sandwich. Went for steak last night. It was very tasty.

See you in a few days.

Approved (again)

I got my letter from the insurance company today. I was approved. I say again because my Dr's office put my surgery in to insurance back in April when I was finished with everything. I wasn't ready then.  I am now. 22 days and i'm starting to get nervous. This is my last full week of work. Dr appts next week and support group and Pre op testing.. If everything goes the way I planned, liquid diet starts 10/4. The same night as out monthly Tacos with friends night. I wont be eating with them..

So yeah, nervous... I think scared too.. the last time I was in the hospital I was dating someone that didn't care. I was in the hospital for a week with no visitors or anything. It really bums a person to know you aren't loved. That's not the case anymore.. Tim is amazing and supportive and has crazy mad love for me..

Pretty soon I will be on the losers bench... yay!!!

Paperwork

All my paperwork has been sent to my employer for my time off. Oct 8 cant get here soon enough. 40 days from today.

Last night i rearranged all my stash by stages.
Clear and full liquid. and sippy cups, condiment containers and lids
Pureed - larger cups and containers
Soft
Vitamins and supplements( including the protein)
back to work stuff ( bars and Containers)


I am SOOOOOOO ready for this.

Dates!

Pre admission testing and pre-op with the surgeon on 9/26 with surgery scheduled for 10/8. SOOOOO excited. and they have already scheduled my post op appts too. They are on the ball.. 55 days to go til surgery. I am a mixed bag of emotions.. Part of me is nervous that its so close. Anxious that something's gonna go wrong. Excited its finally set. determined not to fail.


Also, I made my food funeral list. Its longer than I thought. But my final meal is going to be sushi.

Pre-op appt and surgery date

Well, My pre op appt is 9/26 and  my surgery is scheduled for 10/08.
So excited I can barely contain myself.


Now to plan!

pre op appt

I am going crazy!

I have left multiple messages for the Dr'd office. Emails. I need to schedule my pre op appt for Sept before its too late. And i'm not getting any responses. Its killing me.

I'm a planner and if i cant plan everything out it drives me nuts and i get anxious. I was told my my nut that my pre op liquid diet would be 4 days. Found out from other patients of my dr last night, 2 weeks. UGH.

but

I have prepared my notebook for my blogs and youtube vlogs.
I am so ready.

Calcet Creamy bites ( review)

I ordered both flavors and received them yesterday.

There are 30 per box. 500 mg per chew.

They are amazing. Plain and simply put.
The chocolate tastes like a decadent creamy fudge and the lemon is like a cute lemon nougat petit four.
They melt in your mouth and go down smooth. You can find them online only so far. I haven't been able to locate them at a physical store. But I have purchased about 4 months worth.


Try them out they are worth it. You don't even realize you are eating a vitamin,

3 months to go

Today I ordered some vitamin samples and more protein samples. I don't want to get too much of any one thing I may not like after. There's not much else new yet. Just have to wait to schedule my appts and surgery.

Just checking in.

I'm ready!

This is my stash so far. The box on the floor has vitamin and protein samples. Still pretty excited at this point. I started a weekly countdown on my work calendar. 16 weeks to go! I have made an outline of how my YouTube videos are going to go. And daily blog entries while I'm off from work.

Somehow I'm the last few weeks, I have decided I want to start the couch to 5k program. I have never run and even hated it in high school. But I'm willing to try because I need to prove to myself I can stop being lazy and do something good for me. I found a fun version of the ct5k called Zombies run! Narrates in between your tracks for a story. I'm excited to try this program and will review it once I have started it.

I think Tim is getting tired of me talking about my surgery too. But we'll cross that bridge another time. Anyways, laters lovies.

17 weeks to go.

So.. 17 weeks to go until surgery. I'm getting excited. I will start recording videos of reviews of samples I have around now.. I have amassed quite a large stash. I'm only going to review things I have a before and after amount of. 

Speaking of recording, Also tried to see how YouTube likes my webcam built into my laptop.. it doesn't. 
lots off video lag. so .. my HTC ONE  wins again. I did a sample video for both and there was ZERO lag with the phone. 

I'm getting addicted to pinterest.. There should be a warning label on their website sign up page. pinning all kinds of info and recipes.. 

And I have lost 14lbs from Jan at my first appt to now. I have been trying to eat less and kicked my diet coke and now the tea and i'm solely on water. Water reduces the foods I eat by half because a lot of things don't taste right to me if i'm drinking water with them. Or they make my tummy hurt.. Like popcorn... my tummy hates mixing popcorn and water. so water wins! 

so lovies, time for bed. early morning. <3

Approved!

Well, I got the call. My insurance approved me!. Now I justt have to cal back in August to make my pre-op appt with the surgeon for Sept so that he can set a date in Oct. I was really excited about everything up until this weekend  when I actually thought about the morning of the surgery. going to the hospital and then needles and then being put under and waking up in recovery. Its kinda scary now. I have also completely kicked the Diet Coke! Tea was my gateway for about a month and now i have switched to completely water. I dont like flavored waters so plain is ok by me.

I have a ton of stuff stashed away for after surgery. From Protein powder samples to RTD shakes to liquid gummy and chewable vitamins to little cute lunch boxes for protioning out my food. I have also been trying some really good protein shake recipes.


Heres one:

1) vanilla protein powder serving and  liquid per directions( i used skim milk for more protein)
2)fat free lemon yogurt ( regular or greek)
3) handful of ice
4)teaspoon(or less if its too much) lemon extract

mix and let sit until foam settles ( it tastes really gross)

I make mine at night and drink next morning...

It tastes like lemon cake batter.

Enjoy!

<3

Posts are slow going.. not a lot happening right now. I have everything i need done. I gave them the date I want to have it done.. Now to just wait until Oct. I wish I could do it now but its not a good time. No Tim to be around to help me and take out the dog.

I have started planning for my Pax '14 cosplay. I'm going to order my wings next weekend.

Theres so much more I want to get for after my surgery. More transition clothes, stock up on soft foods and protein powders and RTD shakes.

well.. that's it for now... <3

Alright! so I have done my first 2 out of 3 nutrition classes, psych appt, blood work. Went to Gyno about the hot flashes and not sleeping and after all this time she tells me I have PCOS. YAY. So I am in menopause. I have been for about 4 years now. Got on some good HRT and she gave me synthroid for low thyroid numbers. after 2 weeks I feel amazing, sleeping good not waking up every 30-45 min soaking in sweat.
So, I feel excited and want to push my surgery date up. I feel like I'm ready now, but I'm not. I have set small goals for myself at my last nut class. I have to weeks to get them all. Not completely there yet but... baby steps! Today is day 2 of swapping out half or more diet coke with diet tea. The cravings are still there and its killing me. Diet coke is my drug of choice. That is going to be the hardest thing to kick.

I made my first video to upload to YouTube once I get over being embarrassed about how I look right now.

I took all my measurements as of today and put them in a spread sheet so I can keep track of them monthly.
I will prolly still weigh  myself weekly but My goal is to track inches lost as well monthly.

I got my unjury samples in the mail last week and I am anxious to try them in things. I opted for only the unflavored and chicken. I am not a sweets kind of person. So if i can mix either of them in my cottage cheese or pureed veggies or meats or soups I will be OK.

My BF of 5.5 years, Tim, is very supportive of this whole thing. He's looking forward to taking the first 2 weeks off with me to "help me". Thats nerd speak for " catch up on all my games I haven't had time for". I'm ok with that. At least he will be home if I need him.

There are also 3 minor goal outfits in my closet currently. These are things I have kept because I liked them and they were taking up closet space.  But, they are currently too small. My reasoning is each small step is a pant size  and a small goal to get through and keep pushing me the rest of the way. I know I will never be my  pre-marriage/kids size again. I don't care. Something better than I am right now. I feel like I'm not pretty enough to deserve the man that loves me. I feel like I'm always being judged at work or out places. I want to be that hot nerdy chick that every guy wants. And while I'm not referring to the fake nerds on TV. I want to be comfy in my skin and in public. I want to fly my nerd flag on my chest in various t shirts I cannot wear because Of my size.

So, there  you have it. And while I'm at it, have my measurements as of today:

Reading and reading

It seems all I have been doing is reading other people's blogs about their WLS. Am I getting too obsessed? maybe.. It seems so far away and then when i think that its sooo far away i feel defeated like its never gonna happen. What if my insurance says no? what if my co pay is too high and i cant afford it? what if something goes horribly wrong? I'm scared now... and i keep thinking to myself... its all gonna be better when im skinny again.. I will be able to go out and tie shoes and play with my dog.. i wont be embarrassed to be with my BF. I just don't know.

Anxious

So I called the girls back that do the scheduling and taking care of everything related to the surgery. I was nervous and anxious when I left the messge for a call back when i was available. Then they called back.. nurse phone consult is on 1/24 and 1st consult with the surgeon is on 1/28. Im scared nervous anxious and relieved all at the same time. I have been searching for and reading other people's blogs about their surgeries. It scares me to think of some of the bad things they had happen. But I know i cant let that deter me. I need this now. Im at the point that I dont want to become a full diabetic. I dont want to die like by grandmother did at such a young age. ( 59) I want to enjoy life instead of hiding because its too hot to lug my fat sweaty ass outside. I want to enjoy my dog while he's young. I want to do more than work and sit on my ass. Im tired of being fat. not lookign nice when we go out. feeling embarassed when people tag me in photos on facebook. Just plain tired. So here we start the countdown to October's tentative surgery date. <3

261.5

The last 3 months have not been kind to me. 16 hour days and eating crap at work to stay awake or destressed doesn't work for me. Christmas was good and I got a very nice tea set from my hopefully- sometime in the future mother in law. A nice glass tea bottle for brewing tea at work, and a lovely collection of exquisite teas. I have taken the green tea to work and i am drinking that in hopes of kicking my diet coke addiction. I think that's the first step towards losing weight. After getting on that scale this morning and seeing that i wanted to cry so bad. But i was at work and that wouldn't be good. I came home and Played the demos for Your shape fitness evolved and Biggest loser ultimate work out. Those are some intense demos. I was Sweating my ass off. the dog actually got scared of me doing it. I have resolved myself to doing it every day until i can get the full game on Friday.

I refuse to get bigger. This is it. I cant be like this anymore!.

check in again soon!