Reading and reading

It seems all I have been doing is reading other people's blogs about their WLS. Am I getting too obsessed? maybe.. It seems so far away and then when i think that its sooo far away i feel defeated like its never gonna happen. What if my insurance says no? what if my co pay is too high and i cant afford it? what if something goes horribly wrong? I'm scared now... and i keep thinking to myself... its all gonna be better when im skinny again.. I will be able to go out and tie shoes and play with my dog.. i wont be embarrassed to be with my BF. I just don't know.

Anxious

So I called the girls back that do the scheduling and taking care of everything related to the surgery. I was nervous and anxious when I left the messge for a call back when i was available. Then they called back.. nurse phone consult is on 1/24 and 1st consult with the surgeon is on 1/28. Im scared nervous anxious and relieved all at the same time. I have been searching for and reading other people's blogs about their surgeries. It scares me to think of some of the bad things they had happen. But I know i cant let that deter me. I need this now. Im at the point that I dont want to become a full diabetic. I dont want to die like by grandmother did at such a young age. ( 59) I want to enjoy life instead of hiding because its too hot to lug my fat sweaty ass outside. I want to enjoy my dog while he's young. I want to do more than work and sit on my ass. Im tired of being fat. not lookign nice when we go out. feeling embarassed when people tag me in photos on facebook. Just plain tired. So here we start the countdown to October's tentative surgery date. <3

261.5

The last 3 months have not been kind to me. 16 hour days and eating crap at work to stay awake or destressed doesn't work for me. Christmas was good and I got a very nice tea set from my hopefully- sometime in the future mother in law. A nice glass tea bottle for brewing tea at work, and a lovely collection of exquisite teas. I have taken the green tea to work and i am drinking that in hopes of kicking my diet coke addiction. I think that's the first step towards losing weight. After getting on that scale this morning and seeing that i wanted to cry so bad. But i was at work and that wouldn't be good. I came home and Played the demos for Your shape fitness evolved and Biggest loser ultimate work out. Those are some intense demos. I was Sweating my ass off. the dog actually got scared of me doing it. I have resolved myself to doing it every day until i can get the full game on Friday.

I refuse to get bigger. This is it. I cant be like this anymore!.

check in again soon!