Posts are slow going.. not a lot happening right now. I have everything i need done. I gave them the date I want to have it done.. Now to just wait until Oct. I wish I could do it now but its not a good time. No Tim to be around to help me and take out the dog.

I have started planning for my Pax '14 cosplay. I'm going to order my wings next weekend.

Theres so much more I want to get for after my surgery. More transition clothes, stock up on soft foods and protein powders and RTD shakes.

well.. that's it for now... <3

Alright! so I have done my first 2 out of 3 nutrition classes, psych appt, blood work. Went to Gyno about the hot flashes and not sleeping and after all this time she tells me I have PCOS. YAY. So I am in menopause. I have been for about 4 years now. Got on some good HRT and she gave me synthroid for low thyroid numbers. after 2 weeks I feel amazing, sleeping good not waking up every 30-45 min soaking in sweat.
So, I feel excited and want to push my surgery date up. I feel like I'm ready now, but I'm not. I have set small goals for myself at my last nut class. I have to weeks to get them all. Not completely there yet but... baby steps! Today is day 2 of swapping out half or more diet coke with diet tea. The cravings are still there and its killing me. Diet coke is my drug of choice. That is going to be the hardest thing to kick.

I made my first video to upload to YouTube once I get over being embarrassed about how I look right now.

I took all my measurements as of today and put them in a spread sheet so I can keep track of them monthly.
I will prolly still weigh  myself weekly but My goal is to track inches lost as well monthly.

I got my unjury samples in the mail last week and I am anxious to try them in things. I opted for only the unflavored and chicken. I am not a sweets kind of person. So if i can mix either of them in my cottage cheese or pureed veggies or meats or soups I will be OK.

My BF of 5.5 years, Tim, is very supportive of this whole thing. He's looking forward to taking the first 2 weeks off with me to "help me". Thats nerd speak for " catch up on all my games I haven't had time for". I'm ok with that. At least he will be home if I need him.

There are also 3 minor goal outfits in my closet currently. These are things I have kept because I liked them and they were taking up closet space.  But, they are currently too small. My reasoning is each small step is a pant size  and a small goal to get through and keep pushing me the rest of the way. I know I will never be my  pre-marriage/kids size again. I don't care. Something better than I am right now. I feel like I'm not pretty enough to deserve the man that loves me. I feel like I'm always being judged at work or out places. I want to be that hot nerdy chick that every guy wants. And while I'm not referring to the fake nerds on TV. I want to be comfy in my skin and in public. I want to fly my nerd flag on my chest in various t shirts I cannot wear because Of my size.

So, there  you have it. And while I'm at it, have my measurements as of today:

Reading and reading

It seems all I have been doing is reading other people's blogs about their WLS. Am I getting too obsessed? maybe.. It seems so far away and then when i think that its sooo far away i feel defeated like its never gonna happen. What if my insurance says no? what if my co pay is too high and i cant afford it? what if something goes horribly wrong? I'm scared now... and i keep thinking to myself... its all gonna be better when im skinny again.. I will be able to go out and tie shoes and play with my dog.. i wont be embarrassed to be with my BF. I just don't know.

Anxious

So I called the girls back that do the scheduling and taking care of everything related to the surgery. I was nervous and anxious when I left the messge for a call back when i was available. Then they called back.. nurse phone consult is on 1/24 and 1st consult with the surgeon is on 1/28. Im scared nervous anxious and relieved all at the same time. I have been searching for and reading other people's blogs about their surgeries. It scares me to think of some of the bad things they had happen. But I know i cant let that deter me. I need this now. Im at the point that I dont want to become a full diabetic. I dont want to die like by grandmother did at such a young age. ( 59) I want to enjoy life instead of hiding because its too hot to lug my fat sweaty ass outside. I want to enjoy my dog while he's young. I want to do more than work and sit on my ass. Im tired of being fat. not lookign nice when we go out. feeling embarassed when people tag me in photos on facebook. Just plain tired. So here we start the countdown to October's tentative surgery date. <3

261.5

The last 3 months have not been kind to me. 16 hour days and eating crap at work to stay awake or destressed doesn't work for me. Christmas was good and I got a very nice tea set from my hopefully- sometime in the future mother in law. A nice glass tea bottle for brewing tea at work, and a lovely collection of exquisite teas. I have taken the green tea to work and i am drinking that in hopes of kicking my diet coke addiction. I think that's the first step towards losing weight. After getting on that scale this morning and seeing that i wanted to cry so bad. But i was at work and that wouldn't be good. I came home and Played the demos for Your shape fitness evolved and Biggest loser ultimate work out. Those are some intense demos. I was Sweating my ass off. the dog actually got scared of me doing it. I have resolved myself to doing it every day until i can get the full game on Friday.

I refuse to get bigger. This is it. I cant be like this anymore!.

check in again soon!

Start weight 253.5

Starting the journey to a new me has had me obsessing over every aspect of this journey. Today I decided I'm going to taste everything I'm going to need to eat and drink. I was more aware and guilty feeling eating dinner last night and breakfast this morning. I ate half my breakfast and waited 30 minutes to drink. Ot was hard. The protein drink was gritty. I stopped and picked up some oh yeah shakes and isopure drink to try out. More aware of my protein and fluid consumption too. I'm hoping by starting now I can easily manage it when I need to. Here is to a new me!

First day

So today is the start of the new me. I have decided I'm going to have gastric bypass surgery. I have been doing alot of research over the last few days and really feel its time to do something more with my life than just sit here and be depressed that i cant lost this weight and get sicker. So, here it is. My chronicles on this journey of finding the Nyree I want to be again.